What is the O. C. P.

(ordo canus praetorian)

Creators of Utah Gothic

 

The O.C.P. from left to right: Rocco, Shiv, Mace, the Smiler, and Knuckles. The boys are wanted by Louisiana law enforcement on several misdemeanor warrants.

 


The OCP is a reclusive order of neer-do-wells. The gang is notorious for drunken binges and viking-like raids on the small communities surrounding their swampy hideout somewhere near Lake Pontchartrain in Louisiana.

Described as near imbeciles by locals, the OCP are best known for swilling Dixie Beer until they pass out. The boys consider themselves suave womanizers, but have never been successful at wooing any of the fairer sex with a blood alcohol level lower than .28. Shiv is famous for his oft-used pick-up line: "You're the kind of girl my parole officer says will help me control my rage."

The swamp rats spurn the conveniences of modern America and are rumored to live in a ramshackle hut with no running water or electricity. They subsist on a diet of snapping turtles, nutria and moon pies.

Knuckles, the leader of the OCP, moonlights as a street preacher and can often be seen on the streets of Slidell when especially drunk preaching the gospel. Rocco and Mace are the hunters of the group and brag they can bag a loggerhead by "chunking a rock" from 100 feet. The Smiler is considered the brains of the outfit "cause he's the only one that got past the third grade." No one is really sure what Shiv does, but all agree he can broil a mean nutria steak.

The boys have never been to Utah, or much past Bogalusa for that matter, but a Baptist they know assures them it is a devil place full of multiple-wife-marrying heathens. They started the Utah Gothic website with an atari computer found in the Metairie landfill to "do God's work and tell the world about them evil Mormon doings."

home